What's the most valuable lesson I learned in college? How to mix alcohols? How to ace an exam? How to live on nothing but the meal plan? How to navigate dating in the era of social media? Well...I think all of these were definitely addressed in my 4 years of education, but my favorite, most life-changing finding has to do with friendships.
I am one of those people who thrives when I have countless engaging, unique, and impressive (in the I-am-actually-changing-the-world kind of way). Thankfully, I maintained and improved my friendships better than I even anticipated during my college transition. Even now, I am the friend that many of my high school girls always asks for an update on everyone else's life. I relish this role.
Throughout college, my tribe has grown more and more, as I only lost touch with a few. This reality has stemmed from my acknowledgement that every friend has a specific purpose and place in our lives. Not everyone can be the one you cry your heart out to after a break up, or the one you watch sports with, or the one you get happy hour with, or the one that will just make you laugh, or the one that will be brutally honest, or the one that will just listen...
Up until a few years ago, I tried to fit my closest friends into a box. I expected them all to be EVERYTHING I needed at every single moment. What ended up happening is that I was disappointed on a regular basis. I ended up wanting a certain reaction or form of support that didn't always result. To end this vicious and painful cycle, I started thinking about my relationships and what each individual means to me.
Now, I can't say that this is a perfect formula. I still have my moments when I overreach, and there are times when friendships actually change to encompass another category I never thought possible. At the same time, I also have recognize that my role may be very distinct in the lives of those I love. With this lesson learned, I am able to appreciate and love my friends for who and what they are.
I am one of those people who thrives when I have countless engaging, unique, and impressive (in the I-am-actually-changing-the-world kind of way). Thankfully, I maintained and improved my friendships better than I even anticipated during my college transition. Even now, I am the friend that many of my high school girls always asks for an update on everyone else's life. I relish this role.
Throughout college, my tribe has grown more and more, as I only lost touch with a few. This reality has stemmed from my acknowledgement that every friend has a specific purpose and place in our lives. Not everyone can be the one you cry your heart out to after a break up, or the one you watch sports with, or the one you get happy hour with, or the one that will just make you laugh, or the one that will be brutally honest, or the one that will just listen...
Up until a few years ago, I tried to fit my closest friends into a box. I expected them all to be EVERYTHING I needed at every single moment. What ended up happening is that I was disappointed on a regular basis. I ended up wanting a certain reaction or form of support that didn't always result. To end this vicious and painful cycle, I started thinking about my relationships and what each individual means to me.
Now, I can't say that this is a perfect formula. I still have my moments when I overreach, and there are times when friendships actually change to encompass another category I never thought possible. At the same time, I also have recognize that my role may be very distinct in the lives of those I love. With this lesson learned, I am able to appreciate and love my friends for who and what they are.
Not sure what you are doing awake at 6am, but I loved this post! I think we both know that for me, you are the brutally honest friend that will tell me everything I don't want to hear ;) But it elicits an introspection not found in my other relationships, so I thank you for that growth even if we don't always agree (and you surely span some of the other categories as well). Love you Mags!
ReplyDeleteI totally agree that different friends have different purposes in your life. And these purposes change along the way, the same as your friendships do.
ReplyDeleteNice post!